I have always wanted to share my experiences on a forum where others can share too so we all can receive some strength and comfort from the fact that many have gone or are going through a sense of loss which sometimes it can feel like a very lonely place. A place we don’t want to be.
I felt compelled to start this blog today and guess what I look at my chart and the transits and see that transiting moon in virgo is conjuncting my natal pluto so this is very deep and very intense. It almost feels as though I am in the final phase of my healing journey of 20 years (yes, that long) as I am now emotionally and mentally ready to talk about and share with anyone interested enough to read my words. I did spend 15 years in avoidance where even the thought would make me want to cry so this is a big step for me.
You never truely get over the sense of loss you experience but you do learn to live in a more accepting way with it. Come on, it’s been 20 years and it’s only in the last 3 years that I think I have finally learnt that acceptance is the key. No amount of avoidance or self medicating or grief is gonna change what has happened so I needed to learn to be comfortable with it (finally). Of all the healing therapies I have subjected myself to (which were many) only when I am comfortable and accepting has the pain gone away.
The death of my baby boy went straight to my core. It was the strangest experience. I jumped out of my sleep quickly on that fateful morning wondering why I didn’t hear him cry for his morning feed and then went straight to his cot to find him blue. I think somehow at that split second something was detached from me. It didn’t feel real I felt disconnected. As if it was happening to another person. Waiting for the ambulance to come, a second felt like an hour.
to be continued ……